Behind these walls, you will find a big, fat, NOTHING. This is a serious warning.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Food Compulsive (bad) Habit
I am getting chubbier.
And it is not a really good sign.
You might just "blah" for those statements above. In a 3-seconds judgement, you might probably see me as like common girl who had been the victim of capitalist-fashion-brain-washing through several barbie-ly icons.
But, No.
It is not something like that.
Psychologically, hunger is one of the basic human instinct, apart from sexual desire and fear. That predicament leads to assume that eating as the most fundamental human needs. We need to eat. In order to live.
However, anthropologically, human evolves. We create habit, pass it through our generations, and become a cultures and norms. Which is why we know such a term, like Gourmet.
Eating culture has been some kind of signature across country, as well as the foods itself.
As for myself, I prefer to eat more calmly. Digesting the taste of the food earnestly. And specifically train the receptor cells on my tongue, to be more sensitive. Rather than just putting whatever that's available into my mouth. Just to diminish the hunger.
On the other side, eating habit does have the correlation with the feeling. Or I might say, the semi-conscious activity instructed by Limbic system on our brain. Through experiences, Expert has concluded that some people tend to eat less while they are more stressful. Or it goes reversible, people tend to eat more when they are stressful.
Logically, our brain is very protective to us. In order to protect us from any pain (literally, or figuratively), it creates defense mechanism system that keep us in a safely space. This defense mechanism system could be either controllable, but mostly it goes its way by its nature, without we realize it.
Eating, the same with having sex or defeating the fear, has stimulated our brain to produce Dopamine, "happy hormone". Which is why, you might find some desperate fat people. Because maybe, just maybe, they could only get their Dopamine by eating.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, that falling in love also could produce Dopamine.
It can be produced also when you are getting exciting toward something. It either gives you rush of Adrenalin, and also sips of Dopamine.
I have my own theory, that everything's cool as long as I'm getting thinner.
It is not just some song phrase, but I mean it literally.
If everything is cool, less stressful, exciting and meaningful, then I enjoy my eating at the utmost. It means, I do gourmet, not just putting everything into my mouth to get full. Therefore, I will be thinner.
But if everything is in strain, not cool, boring, I will not getting any Dopamine releasing from other than eating.
There I said it.
Which is why, I worry that I notice I am getting chubbier now. And without I realize it.
It means I am not happy. Eventhough my reasoning tells me I am happy. My body reaction tells the other things.
Somebody, please help!
And it is not a really good sign.
You might just "blah" for those statements above. In a 3-seconds judgement, you might probably see me as like common girl who had been the victim of capitalist-fashion-brain-washing through several barbie-ly icons.
But, No.
It is not something like that.
Psychologically, hunger is one of the basic human instinct, apart from sexual desire and fear. That predicament leads to assume that eating as the most fundamental human needs. We need to eat. In order to live.
However, anthropologically, human evolves. We create habit, pass it through our generations, and become a cultures and norms. Which is why we know such a term, like Gourmet.
Eating culture has been some kind of signature across country, as well as the foods itself.
As for myself, I prefer to eat more calmly. Digesting the taste of the food earnestly. And specifically train the receptor cells on my tongue, to be more sensitive. Rather than just putting whatever that's available into my mouth. Just to diminish the hunger.
On the other side, eating habit does have the correlation with the feeling. Or I might say, the semi-conscious activity instructed by Limbic system on our brain. Through experiences, Expert has concluded that some people tend to eat less while they are more stressful. Or it goes reversible, people tend to eat more when they are stressful.
Logically, our brain is very protective to us. In order to protect us from any pain (literally, or figuratively), it creates defense mechanism system that keep us in a safely space. This defense mechanism system could be either controllable, but mostly it goes its way by its nature, without we realize it.
Eating, the same with having sex or defeating the fear, has stimulated our brain to produce Dopamine, "happy hormone". Which is why, you might find some desperate fat people. Because maybe, just maybe, they could only get their Dopamine by eating.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, that falling in love also could produce Dopamine.
It can be produced also when you are getting exciting toward something. It either gives you rush of Adrenalin, and also sips of Dopamine.
I have my own theory, that everything's cool as long as I'm getting thinner.
It is not just some song phrase, but I mean it literally.
If everything is cool, less stressful, exciting and meaningful, then I enjoy my eating at the utmost. It means, I do gourmet, not just putting everything into my mouth to get full. Therefore, I will be thinner.
But if everything is in strain, not cool, boring, I will not getting any Dopamine releasing from other than eating.
There I said it.
Which is why, I worry that I notice I am getting chubbier now. And without I realize it.
It means I am not happy. Eventhough my reasoning tells me I am happy. My body reaction tells the other things.
Somebody, please help!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
the ugly truth..
I do accept that our story has come to an end.
I wanted to keep only the good in you,
and continue the journey.
But then,
You did the terrible things.
Some things that I can not fathom you have a heart in doing so.
When did you become such a douchebag?
I feel sad for you, really I do.
I want to forgive,
I forgive you,
I forgive myself.
May you will never feel the way I feel now.
Humiliated. And rejected.
Sincerely,
-your marble-
I wanted to keep only the good in you,
and continue the journey.
But then,
You did the terrible things.
Some things that I can not fathom you have a heart in doing so.
When did you become such a douchebag?
I feel sad for you, really I do.
I want to forgive,
I forgive you,
I forgive myself.
May you will never feel the way I feel now.
Humiliated. And rejected.
Sincerely,
-your marble-
Monday, January 23, 2012
Some riddle in life.
There once a time, when I could giggle whenever I remember your face.
But now, I strained myself hard, to not burst into tears, whenever I see your face.
It is irresistable, until it hurts.
Ha ha ha.
Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.3
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Untitled
The feeling is built up. It won't dissapear. Unless I let them go.
I want to rearrange things.
I'll only keep the good memories.
And move forward.
Yosh!
Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.1
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Another weird dream...
This morning I woke up by alarm on my phone. Like usual, I snoozed it for another 15 minutes. In this brief moment, apparently I fell into a deep sleep. It brought me to a dream.
I was in the station, it felt like a train station. The building was quite old and I saw vintage ornaments. It's like Kota Station (at north Jakarta) but it was so much cleaner, older and quite lovelier actually. I didn't know what was my intention but I ran into the post and joined the queue for the ticket. It was so crowded and my body was pressed by another people. Strangely, in those hectic situation, the people were having chit chat comfortably with others. Whilst I was struggling to breath.
When I came into my order, the officer was an old lady! Seriously. I asked her whether there's a train to Bogor (my usual destination). She was working on the paper to check, and it took long time to do so. Impatiently, I turned into another post, and the officer was a boy!
I asked the same, and laughing, he said there's no such a train to Bogor. Feeling annoyed, it seems he teased me. I snapped at him. He laughed again and said I was lucky not to have the ticket.
Then, the previous old lady officer called me again and gave me a ticket.
The ticket was quite tiny and only a half. Confused, I clarified to her whether it's the right ticket. She insisted that IS the ticket. I wanted to ask again, and my snoozed alarm rang again.
I woke up again, with exhausting feeling.
Just wondering, if I proceeded to take the train, where will it take me?...
I was in the station, it felt like a train station. The building was quite old and I saw vintage ornaments. It's like Kota Station (at north Jakarta) but it was so much cleaner, older and quite lovelier actually. I didn't know what was my intention but I ran into the post and joined the queue for the ticket. It was so crowded and my body was pressed by another people. Strangely, in those hectic situation, the people were having chit chat comfortably with others. Whilst I was struggling to breath.
When I came into my order, the officer was an old lady! Seriously. I asked her whether there's a train to Bogor (my usual destination). She was working on the paper to check, and it took long time to do so. Impatiently, I turned into another post, and the officer was a boy!
I asked the same, and laughing, he said there's no such a train to Bogor. Feeling annoyed, it seems he teased me. I snapped at him. He laughed again and said I was lucky not to have the ticket.
Then, the previous old lady officer called me again and gave me a ticket.
The ticket was quite tiny and only a half. Confused, I clarified to her whether it's the right ticket. She insisted that IS the ticket. I wanted to ask again, and my snoozed alarm rang again.
I woke up again, with exhausting feeling.
Just wondering, if I proceeded to take the train, where will it take me?...
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
"How far relationship can change you?"
Recently I've got many social gatherings with old friends. College friends or high school friends, through planned rendezvous or simply incidental engaged in common events. In the age of 25 years-old, most of them are already married, or engaged. And this is where I felt lost.
I couldn't keep up with their enthusiasm in planning their wedding. But most of all, I felt uncomfortable when they started to lecture of how happy they are and how clumsy I am in living my life. They forged the idea that being married and having a child will give sensational experience which they never felt before. Along the way, they emphasized on the constant reminder of how lonely I will become if I stay in pursuing my career and thriving to be the best in doing my job.
Well, I believe there's some truth in their saying.
I don't think that my way of life in always choosing work over love is kind of cool. Maybe it's a sad thing. But I can't be person who is afraid of losing what's ahead, or throwing away what's in front of me. And in some faint and bizzare way, I still do have some hope.
So, I was kind of shock when I see my friends turned into the people we used to hate. People who lost their identity in marriage or relationship, and become annoyingly cocky with their relationship. People who seeks affirmation of their happiness by intruding other's insecurities.
The truth is, I miss the person I used to know as a friend. It felt like I don't recognize them any more. They've been so much changed and I felt so much left behind.
And then I am wondering, how far you will loose your identity toward one relationship?
Is it part of maturity duty everyone has to endure, or it's simply one's choice to gain their comfort zone?
PS: Incidentally I found this article which excerpts all the things I talked above. Nice one!
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